How to Raise a Spiritual Child
What you can do to nurture your child's spirituality
Reprinted from MSN Family. This article was written for non-Muslim audiences but has a lot of good and relevant advice for Muslims too.
What to expect at this age (baby to pre-school)
Though preschoolers are too young to grasp many of the abstract concepts that go hand-in-hand with spiritual life, they have other skills that will serve them well on the road to spirituality: They have no problem believing in things they can't see, and they live almost entirely in the moment.
"Kids this age have an incredible sense of wonder -- they're innate spiritual beings," says Marianne Neifert, a pediatrician, mother of five, and the author of Dr. Mom's Prescription for Preschoolers: Seven Essentials for the Formative Years.
This is the perfect age to begin nurturing your child's spiritual side -- as sustenance for her soul, as a way of answering her cosmic questions, and as a means of strengthening her interpersonal skills. Every religion has some kind of belief embedded in it about loving your neighbor. And giving your child a foundation in faith will also give her something to fall back on in trying times later in life. "As recent events have shown us," says Neifert, "in times of crisis, people turn to their faith. It's a way to ground ourselves, and a way to interpret events that we don't understand."
What you can do to nurture your child's spirituality
Clarify your own beliefs. Whether or not you practice an organized religion, you'll need to decide what you believe in order to foster spirituality in your child. That doesn't mean you have to have all the answers, but you can take time to consider the questions: Do you believe in God? Do you believe there was a divine element in the creation of the world? What do you think happens when a person dies? In addition to your own beliefs, consider what kind of spiritual education you want for your child: Will your family join a church, synagogue, or other house of worship? Do you want your child to attend services regularly? Do you plan to send her to religious school? If you and your partner have different religions it's wise to decide how you'll approach spirituality with your child now, before she's old enough to get confused by your differing opinions.
Introduce spirituality early on. "Young children don't understand who God is, but they don't really understand who a grandparent is either," says Neifert. "Still, you want them to know Grandma, so you start talking about her from day one. It's the same thing with the idea of God." Just as your child takes your word for it that Grandma is an important person in her life (even if she rarely sees her), so she'll take your word for it that God is, too. And by introducing spiritual practices early on -- such as lighting candles or singing hymns together -- your child will view them as a natural part of life, and you'll have a spiritual influence on her before other people do. Even if you don't believe in God or see God as a single all-powerful being, it's worth talking to your child about it. "Kids are going to hear about God all over," says Neifert. "If you don't put your own spin on it, with your own values, they'll absorb someone else's."
Don't pretend to have all the answers. When your child asks where people go when they die, answer honestly: "Nobody knows for sure, but some people think they go to heaven to be close to God. Other people think they're born again in a new body." Inevitably, your child will ask what you think. If you have a strong belief, share it. If not, it's okay to admit that there are some questions people spend their whole lives trying to figure out -- and this is one of them.
Use daily events to teach spirituality. Big ideas don't always require big actions. You can demonstrate that spirituality is a part of everyday life by incorporating it into ordinary actions and words. When you open the curtains in the morning, you can say, "Look at this glorious day Mother Nature made." At bedtime, you can sign off with, "God bless you, sweetie pie."
Instill an appreciation of nature. Nature is a great place to find a tangible manifestation of the divine. "Kids learn with all their senses -- they love to pick up a rock or jump in a puddle or chase a butterfly," says Neifert. Help your child see nature as something sacred by demonstrating your own love and respect for it. When you go for a family hike in the woods or a picnic on the beach, clean up after yourself (and even others), and be considerate of creatures in their habitat. Plant a garden with your child, and make it part of your daily routine to check on the progress of the plants together. Start a compost pile so your child can watch mealtime leftovers turn back into soil that you'll use in your garden. Introduce her to the idea that the Earth is a gift, and that our survival depends upon the survival of the planet.
Tell stories. The world's spiritual traditions are full of stories designed to explain everything from how the world was created to why people sometimes do bad things. Introduce your child to the notion that different people have different ideas about God by drawing on this wealth of literature. Read stories together from an illustrated Bible, a book of Hindu mythology, or a collection of Jewish folk tales, amending and simplifying as you see fit. Even if you're reluctant to foster a literal interpretation of the Scriptures, for example, reading such stories will give your child the opportunity to ask questions.
Build on family traditions. Spirituality not only connects us to the divine; it also connects us to each other and to the past. If you're raising your child in the same spiritual tradition that you were raised in, be sure she knows that she's carrying on family rituals that were passed along by her grandparents and even great-grandparents. Show her pictures of her grandmother taking her first communion. Let her help polish a pair of Sabbath candlesticks that were handed down by your parents. And be sure to tell the same family stories at holiday time that you listened to as a child.
Make it fun. Religion and spirituality should be more joyful than somber and serious. Encourage your preschooler to paint a picture of God, make up her own story about how the world came to be, or simply imagine what heaven looks like. Together, act out plays or put on a puppet show based on creation stories or your own spiritual themes. Above all, do what spiritual people have done for centuries -- sing and dance! If you don't know any traditional tunes, a wealth of CDs and cassettes of religious music is available. Don't forget to explore songs and chants from other cultures or traditions as well.
Practice silence. Once a day or once a week, take a minute to sit quietly with your child, encouraging her to be silent and listen to her inner voice. Your moment of silence needn't be introduced as some lofty practice of meditation, but simply as a calming break in a noisy day. Whether your child uses this time to commune with the divine or simply to rest and recharge, it'll help put her in touch with the "big" picture.
Introduce a simple form of prayer. Let your child know that prayer isn't something that's saved up just for Sunday morning, or for times when she needs help with something. It's a tool for communicating with a higher power anytime. So invite her to join you in saying a prayer at different times of the day -- for example, when she sees something beautiful, when she does something new for the first time, when she wakes up, or at bedtime. A simple prayer of thanks before or after meals can be an easy and effective way to instill appreciation for the basics of life. If your child is too young to make up her own prayers, help her along with what Neifert calls "ping-pong" prayers: You suggest a simple phrase such as, "Thank you, God, for..." and she fills in the blanks. The idea is to let your child know that God, or the divine spirit, is always available. "If the being who created the whole universe can listen to you, that's pretty good," says Neifert.
Stress the spiritual side of holidays. Try to balance the commercialism of the holiday season with activities that underscore its deeper meaning. Volunteer at a local charity. Donate food, clothing, or toys to a shelter, and have your child do the same by choosing a few items she no longer plays with. Participate in church or synagogue events centered on holiday themes. On the fun side, share some holiday crafts with your child: Create a homemade nativity scene out of cardboard and fill it with little dolls, craft a menorah out of modeling clay, or make a Kwanzaa kinara to hold the symbolic candles representing the principles of the holiday -- unity, self-determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economics, purpose, creativity, and faith.
Consider joining a faith community. By regularly attending services and social events at a place of worship, your child will come to see that spirituality plays a central role in the life of the community. She'll also grow up more comfortable with the liturgy and rituals of your faith and come to see a house of worship as a place where she can feel comfortable and secure. "Kids thrive on predictability," says Neifert. "Whether it's a Catholic child seeing the communion bread and wine, a Jewish child hearing the Hebrew prayers, or a Hindu child smelling the incense in the temple, by experiencing rituals kids come to appreciate the predictability of a religious service, if not the deeper meaning." Most churches and synagogues also have children's services that introduce kids to the tenets of a religion in a way they can understand and enjoy.
Follow your child's lead. Let your child ask the questions, and give her plenty of opportunities to discuss her own notions of issues such as who God is, what heaven looks like, or what happens to people after they die. Try not to dictate the answers to big questions. If she asks you where God lives, begin your answer by asking her what she thinks. Or ask her to draw a picture and tell you about it. Spirituality is a two-way street: If you listen carefully to your preschooler, you might discover something you never thought of before.
Saturday, 26 February 2011
Tuesday, 22 February 2011
Marriage Preparation
Marriage Preparation
from Before the Wedding - 150 Questions for Muslims to Ask Before Getting Married by M. L. Ezzeldine
In Islam, marriage preparation is multi-dimensional. The first step in the marriage preparation process is that a person does some introspection to see if they are really ready for marriage. This would include determining your values and beliefs and what type of spouse you will make. It is advisable to make istikhara prayers, a prayer for guidance. Istikhara is where one asks Allah to guide them to the best choice possible in any matter including when seeking a spouse. Building a personal relationship with Allah is vital to being a good spouse as it will purify your intentions and help you clearly analyze the reasons for wanting to marry a particular person.
When selecting a spouse, everyone has certain qualities they are looking for. It is reported in a hadith (tradition of Prophet Muhammad) that the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, "A woman is to be married for four reasons; for her property, status, beauty or religion; so try to marry the one who is religious" (Muslim). Of course, this hadith relates to what women should look for in men as well.
Additionally, any two people seeking to get married should have a wali (guardian) involved in the process who will oversee and guide the couple. The wali are usually the parents of the couple. Muslims who have non-Muslim parents, should still consult their parents and involve them in the "courting process". However, if the non-Muslim parents are unreceptive to Islam, it is suggested that the person ask their Imam (religious leader) to take on the position of guardian.
Respect for parents is paramount in Islam and taking note of their advice when selecting a spouse is essential. Marriage is the union of more than just two individuals; it is bringing together two families, and thus the process should include both families............Additionally, a couple should never be completely alone with one another before marriage because this would be khulwa. Khulwa is when a single man and single woman are alone together where no one can see them, thereby tempting them to commit fornication. A couple should always act with respect and mmodesty toward one another.
Finally, it is suggested that the couple find a mediator who can act as mentor to the young couple and open their eyes to the reality of marriage. A knowledgeable person trusted by both parties is an asset to a couple before the wedding, since he /she could be consulted should any problems arise after they are married.
from Before the Wedding - 150 Questions for Muslims to Ask Before Getting Married by M. L. Ezzeldine
In Islam, marriage preparation is multi-dimensional. The first step in the marriage preparation process is that a person does some introspection to see if they are really ready for marriage. This would include determining your values and beliefs and what type of spouse you will make. It is advisable to make istikhara prayers, a prayer for guidance. Istikhara is where one asks Allah to guide them to the best choice possible in any matter including when seeking a spouse. Building a personal relationship with Allah is vital to being a good spouse as it will purify your intentions and help you clearly analyze the reasons for wanting to marry a particular person.
When selecting a spouse, everyone has certain qualities they are looking for. It is reported in a hadith (tradition of Prophet Muhammad) that the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, "A woman is to be married for four reasons; for her property, status, beauty or religion; so try to marry the one who is religious" (Muslim). Of course, this hadith relates to what women should look for in men as well.
Additionally, any two people seeking to get married should have a wali (guardian) involved in the process who will oversee and guide the couple. The wali are usually the parents of the couple. Muslims who have non-Muslim parents, should still consult their parents and involve them in the "courting process". However, if the non-Muslim parents are unreceptive to Islam, it is suggested that the person ask their Imam (religious leader) to take on the position of guardian.
Respect for parents is paramount in Islam and taking note of their advice when selecting a spouse is essential. Marriage is the union of more than just two individuals; it is bringing together two families, and thus the process should include both families............Additionally, a couple should never be completely alone with one another before marriage because this would be khulwa. Khulwa is when a single man and single woman are alone together where no one can see them, thereby tempting them to commit fornication. A couple should always act with respect and mmodesty toward one another.
Finally, it is suggested that the couple find a mediator who can act as mentor to the young couple and open their eyes to the reality of marriage. A knowledgeable person trusted by both parties is an asset to a couple before the wedding, since he /she could be consulted should any problems arise after they are married.
Monday, 21 February 2011
Islamic Sex Education?
Islamic Sex Education?
Sex in our society, sex in Islam and the hypocrisy of our society!
By M. Tufail
Bismillah
Sex- a topic with the most polarized attitude known in our society! With all the presumption and the cultural aspects accredited to it, all the more desperate and urgent is the need to initiate a communication regarding this vacuum in our minds, in our conduct and in our society is not only
Why does this attitude prevail in our society? Thanks to our religion? NO! Thanks to our cultural upbringing, ignorance and the hypocritical attitude of our society, which allows sex everywhere, which condones sex as "student life kae mashghaley" (part of growing up, in the sense of first experiences)- the most pathetic excuse I ever heard. It accepts marrying off their daughters to those very students, but will run amok if a girl speaks of "hush…. that disease", called AIDS! No, I am not exaggerating, I hardly could believe my ears, when a literature graduate mother, of educated background, hushed her then medical student daughter into silence while we were discussing about HIV and AIDS, telling her not to mention this disease without any inhibitions, blurting out its name.
Sex is hushed and curtained off to the bedroom and speaking about it is a sin, accredits a loose character and well, I could go on echoing all those remarks, prevailing even in our Muslim society- be it Pakistan, the middle East or the sisters (I guess the brothers aren't any better) and gatherings in the western hemisphere, to which I have been, regretfully but in not avoidable situations, witness.
Grown up in the west, being educated in the normal public schools and experiencing the era when sex education was introduced in the curriculum of German schools, I could follow the conservative attitude of our society, but what shattered my respect for our society was the hypocrisy as pointed out above. In the West I knew what people thought, you knew who is sexually active or at least you knew how they think of it and thus also protect yourself in some way from it. Boys knew I wouldn't date, so I wasn't asked. Period. In the Muslims countries, you can't guarantee and know where the person would have been around, the very person you may end up marrying through a proposal "with good and respected family background and bright future" I would have loved to see the faces of people, if a girl would have asked him to get his HIV test done before saying yes, let alone his attitude towards family planning or contraceptives!
Can we endorse this hypocrisy as a society?
I can't accept this ignorance and hypocrisy, neither as a Muslim nor as a responsible citizen of any society, be it ANYWHERE in the world!! I thus pondered over this hypocrisy and found many answers, which collectively I would title as "ignorance and uneasiness of expression with respect to our sexuality, blindly following cultures and traditions, instead challenging it through education, as Muslim in the days of Muhammad (S) used to do". They used to come up to him and ask and discuss issues pertaining to sexuality; shyness is indeed a virtue of a Muslim- male or female, but not in matters of knowledge or deen/concept of life (Islam). Any person, yes in fact even child who reads the Qur'an and understand it, will come across the teaching pertaining to reproduction, creation (32:7-9)), menstruation (2:222), family life, sexual positions (2:223) and even ejaculation (86:6)(75:38) along with the moral and the social ethics in the light of Islam. This is the basics of Islamic Sex education: treating it as a blessing form the Almighty, a gift to human nature, a source of peace and tranquillity, as well as hasana in the light of high social and moral ethics.
Sex is not a "dirty word", as per our cultural concepts; it is a gift of God to mankind. Islam provides a legal frame to enjoy this blessing from God, which is NOT only for procreation. The sexual urge should be enjoyed as His blessing, but within a commitment. Contrary to some religions and philosophies, Islam doesn't degrade Sex to the status of " lust of flesh, thus sinful, which the soul has to conquer." In fact exercised within the appropriate frame, it is not only a source of emotional satisfaction and enjoyment, thence peace, but also a source of hasana is promised in return.
In this very light, we Muslims should emancipate ourselves in the light of the open minded and very modern concept of life Islam, abrogating all those cultural and traditional influences, which only turn the wheel backwards.
Sex education should start at home or in the frame of Islamic Sunday/Friday Schools, wherever the possibility is given. It should however be actively supported through the participation and support, as well as objective answering to the questions, through parents and elder siblings. In the Islamic Schools Muslim teachers, pref. Physicians should come forward and fill this vacuum. What should be taught? Anatomical and physiological aspects, table of puberty, along with the physical changes, need for family life, sexual drive, menstruation and pre-menstrual syndrome, conception and development of the child/foetus, contraception and then also the STD's and the Islamic concepts of it. The emotional, mental and social aspects of puberty should be discussed, moral, social and Islamic ethics of sexuality should be brought to word; in the western hemisphere tell them how to avoid peer pressure.
Preferably premarital counselling should be conducted, including sex education. Scholars prefer sex education in separate classes, contrary to the model in Iran, as described somewhere. We should however not forget the potential of marital counselling along with sex education in marital life. A very good book in this regard is the “Muslim Marriage guide”, written by Ruqayya M. Waris.
We need to grow out of the traditional baggage and pressure, which we carried along with us for centuries, malpractising the most modern concept of life, if we only gave ourselves the chance to understand it. The potential is enormous, we only need to take up the challenge and give ourselves the chance, thus abrogating this hypocrisy in our society of which we ourselves-me and you, are a part.
A proper sex education may not only be an effort against this hypocrisy and a potential towards a more natural attitude to sex, but also help to fight the very grave crime of child sex abuse. It could happen to your child, get involved and prevent it, fight it!
Sex in our society, sex in Islam and the hypocrisy of our society!
By M. Tufail
Bismillah
Sex- a topic with the most polarized attitude known in our society! With all the presumption and the cultural aspects accredited to it, all the more desperate and urgent is the need to initiate a communication regarding this vacuum in our minds, in our conduct and in our society is not only
Why does this attitude prevail in our society? Thanks to our religion? NO! Thanks to our cultural upbringing, ignorance and the hypocritical attitude of our society, which allows sex everywhere, which condones sex as "student life kae mashghaley" (part of growing up, in the sense of first experiences)- the most pathetic excuse I ever heard. It accepts marrying off their daughters to those very students, but will run amok if a girl speaks of "hush…. that disease", called AIDS! No, I am not exaggerating, I hardly could believe my ears, when a literature graduate mother, of educated background, hushed her then medical student daughter into silence while we were discussing about HIV and AIDS, telling her not to mention this disease without any inhibitions, blurting out its name.
Sex is hushed and curtained off to the bedroom and speaking about it is a sin, accredits a loose character and well, I could go on echoing all those remarks, prevailing even in our Muslim society- be it Pakistan, the middle East or the sisters (I guess the brothers aren't any better) and gatherings in the western hemisphere, to which I have been, regretfully but in not avoidable situations, witness.
Grown up in the west, being educated in the normal public schools and experiencing the era when sex education was introduced in the curriculum of German schools, I could follow the conservative attitude of our society, but what shattered my respect for our society was the hypocrisy as pointed out above. In the West I knew what people thought, you knew who is sexually active or at least you knew how they think of it and thus also protect yourself in some way from it. Boys knew I wouldn't date, so I wasn't asked. Period. In the Muslims countries, you can't guarantee and know where the person would have been around, the very person you may end up marrying through a proposal "with good and respected family background and bright future" I would have loved to see the faces of people, if a girl would have asked him to get his HIV test done before saying yes, let alone his attitude towards family planning or contraceptives!
Can we endorse this hypocrisy as a society?
I can't accept this ignorance and hypocrisy, neither as a Muslim nor as a responsible citizen of any society, be it ANYWHERE in the world!! I thus pondered over this hypocrisy and found many answers, which collectively I would title as "ignorance and uneasiness of expression with respect to our sexuality, blindly following cultures and traditions, instead challenging it through education, as Muslim in the days of Muhammad (S) used to do". They used to come up to him and ask and discuss issues pertaining to sexuality; shyness is indeed a virtue of a Muslim- male or female, but not in matters of knowledge or deen/concept of life (Islam). Any person, yes in fact even child who reads the Qur'an and understand it, will come across the teaching pertaining to reproduction, creation (32:7-9)), menstruation (2:222), family life, sexual positions (2:223) and even ejaculation (86:6)(75:38) along with the moral and the social ethics in the light of Islam. This is the basics of Islamic Sex education: treating it as a blessing form the Almighty, a gift to human nature, a source of peace and tranquillity, as well as hasana in the light of high social and moral ethics.
Sex is not a "dirty word", as per our cultural concepts; it is a gift of God to mankind. Islam provides a legal frame to enjoy this blessing from God, which is NOT only for procreation. The sexual urge should be enjoyed as His blessing, but within a commitment. Contrary to some religions and philosophies, Islam doesn't degrade Sex to the status of " lust of flesh, thus sinful, which the soul has to conquer." In fact exercised within the appropriate frame, it is not only a source of emotional satisfaction and enjoyment, thence peace, but also a source of hasana is promised in return.
In this very light, we Muslims should emancipate ourselves in the light of the open minded and very modern concept of life Islam, abrogating all those cultural and traditional influences, which only turn the wheel backwards.
Sex education should start at home or in the frame of Islamic Sunday/Friday Schools, wherever the possibility is given. It should however be actively supported through the participation and support, as well as objective answering to the questions, through parents and elder siblings. In the Islamic Schools Muslim teachers, pref. Physicians should come forward and fill this vacuum. What should be taught? Anatomical and physiological aspects, table of puberty, along with the physical changes, need for family life, sexual drive, menstruation and pre-menstrual syndrome, conception and development of the child/foetus, contraception and then also the STD's and the Islamic concepts of it. The emotional, mental and social aspects of puberty should be discussed, moral, social and Islamic ethics of sexuality should be brought to word; in the western hemisphere tell them how to avoid peer pressure.
Preferably premarital counselling should be conducted, including sex education. Scholars prefer sex education in separate classes, contrary to the model in Iran, as described somewhere. We should however not forget the potential of marital counselling along with sex education in marital life. A very good book in this regard is the “Muslim Marriage guide”, written by Ruqayya M. Waris.
We need to grow out of the traditional baggage and pressure, which we carried along with us for centuries, malpractising the most modern concept of life, if we only gave ourselves the chance to understand it. The potential is enormous, we only need to take up the challenge and give ourselves the chance, thus abrogating this hypocrisy in our society of which we ourselves-me and you, are a part.
A proper sex education may not only be an effort against this hypocrisy and a potential towards a more natural attitude to sex, but also help to fight the very grave crime of child sex abuse. It could happen to your child, get involved and prevent it, fight it!
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